Contemplations of Life, After a Death.

Published on 19 June 2023 at 21:47

I sincerely apologize for the recent lack of entries in my blog. Over the past several weeks, numerous events and obligations have occurred in my life, causing me to prioritize other matters. One particular entry I've been working on revolves around the themes of necessity and reality. However, to ensure its quality, it necessitates more time and additional research on my part. Although I am still in the process of developing that entry, I firmly believe that I owe it to myself and the dedicated readers of my blog to approach it with utmost diligence and care. That being said, I am aware of the importance of maintaining regular content. I understand that it would be unfair to keep this blog devoid of entries for an extended period. Consequently, recent events have prompted me to contemplate the essence of life, and I felt compelled to share some personal anecdotes with all of you. By doing so, I hope to foster a deeper connection and offer a glimpse into my experiences.


First and foremost, I must confess that my dedication to the captivating realm of video games momentarily derailed my writing endeavors. A highly anticipated release from the legendary Legend of Zelda franchise emerged, captivating my imagination, and drawing me into a captivating digital world filled with adventure, mystery, and boundless exploration. As an avid enthusiast of the series, it was an opportunity I simply could not pass up. Hours upon hours were devoted to traversing the enchanting landscapes of Hyrule, immersed in a quest of epic proportions. Regrettably, this engrossing diversion, while incredibly enjoyable, inadvertently contributed to the delay in my blog entries. Simultaneously, the recent culmination of my stepdaughter's high school education presented a joyous and proud occasion for our entire family. Witnessing her successful completion of this pivotal phase of her life filled us with a sense of accomplishment and celebration. However, the ensuing day brought with it an indescribable sorrow, as fate cast a dark shadow upon us. Tragically, my beloved sister, after enduring a long and valiant struggle against an array of formidable medical conditions, succumbed to the relentless grip of her ailments.


In the midst of this, we found ourselves grappling with a myriad of practical and emotional challenges. Navigating the intricacies of financial matters became unavoidable, further complicated by the unfortunate absence of life insurance provisions. Coping with the logistical aspects of arranging funeral and memorial services, and addressing the immediate needs of my sister's young children placed an enormous burden on our shoulders. The complexities of child care, coupled with the emotional toll of mourning, demanded our utmost attention and care. Notwithstanding the nature of recent events, I remain steadfast in my commitment to this blog and the connections forged with its readers. Recognizing the importance of continuity and communication, I firmly believe in the power of personal anecdotes to foster understanding and establish personal connections between. These anecdotes serve as fragments of my life's tapestry, woven by the interplay of experiences, triumphs, failures, and moments of introspection. They bear witness to the struggles endured, the lessons learned, and the transformative growth that has shaped the person I am today. I wholeheartedly appreciate your patience, support, and understanding during this time. Moving forward, I am dedicated to revitalizing the blog with renewed vigor and consistency. If there are any specific topics or inquiries you wish for me to explore, please do not hesitate to reach out. I value our connection and aim to provide engaging content that resonates with your interests. All told, I am also at a loss for new material now, thus this different style of content. I have little doubt that eventually it will come back, but for now I hope you enjoy some of these slight insights into my life.


One of the remarkable experiences that often arise following the passing of a loved one is engaging in conversations about life. These discussions typically delve into topics such as personal achievements and sources of pride, beyond the accomplishments of raising our own children. Reflecting on my own life, one of the achievements that fills me with immense pride is my educational journey. I realize it may sound somewhat cliché, but it is the profound significance of the path I undertook to attain my level of education that truly resonates with me. Allow me to provide some context. During my early childhood, I encountered a misdiagnosis of mental and cognitive disorders. Regrettably, my mother was informed that I possessed an unteachable nature and would never possess mental capabilities beyond those of a fourth-grader. It seemed as if this prediction was coming true, as I consistently received poor grades despite being enrolled in special education classes. The confirmation of these limitations became even more pronounced when I eventually became another statistic—a high school dropout. However, it's important to note that this decision was not directly linked to those initial diagnoses. Prior to this, my sister's health issues had emerged after the birth of her first two children, Joshua and Jordan. Due to her frequent hospital visits and medical concerns, my mother had to assume the responsibility of paying the bills and caring for the children. Consequently, my academic journey was temporarily interrupted. Surprisingly, I didn't mind this interruption, as I never particularly enjoyed school. Instead, I found solace in reading extensively, given that there were few other options available to occupy my time. Admittedly, I held little interest in engaging with the other children, still being a child myself. So, I immersed myself in reading, primarily sparked by my fascination with subjects I had come across on television channels such as Discovery, TLC, and History (before they became saturated with shows about ancient aliens and reality TV). At that time, I developed a voracious reading habit, which ignited my unquenchable thirst for knowledge. These early experiences also played a significant role in shaping my journey towards atheism. However, I have delved into the details of my entire deconversion story on my blog, so I won't elaborate on that here.


When I turned nineteen, I became determined to join the Marine Corps, only to realize that I needed a high school diploma to fulfill this aspiration. It was then that my recruiter informed me about general equivalency diplomas (GEDs), also known as general education diplomas. Intrigued by the opportunity, I decided to take the free practice test. In Ohio, if you passed the practice test, you were allowed to take the full test without any charge. Conversely, if you failed, they recommended specific classes to help you earn the necessary credits. Since it had been quite a while since I had been in school, and I had never been exposed to a high school curriculum, I had to find a way to study effectively. So, I resorted to renting and borrowing several "For Dummies" books from the library, along with an ASVAB study guide provided by my recruiter. I managed to pass the practice test, although I'm uncertain about the extent to which I exceeded the passing score. These practice tests weren't scored extensively, as they were designed simply to determine pass or fail. Nevertheless, I was granted the opportunity to take the full test. I continued studying using the "For Dummies" books and even stumbled upon some of my sister's old textbooks from school (yes, she happened to be one of those individuals who kept her textbooks). On the day of the actual test, I achieved one of the highest scores statewide in Ohio that year.


The realization of my success served as a turning point, causing me to reevaluate the diagnoses that had haunted my childhood. Perhaps I had neglected to mention it to the recruiter, or perhaps they simply didn't attach much importance to my ability to obtain a GED and pass the ASVAB. Nevertheless, the eagles, globes, and anchors of the Marine Corps were firmly embedded in my thoughts. I undertook the ASVAB and achieved such a remarkable score that I was granted the freedom to choose any Military Occupational Specialty (MOS) I desired. Filled with anticipation, I proceeded to the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPs). However, my excitement was soon dampened when I discovered that I had a heart murmur and flat feet, both of which disqualified me from military service. Although I felt a sense of sadness, I realized the need to regroup and take charge of my life. Consequently, I began working diligently, all the while maintaining my unwavering love for learning and conducting research. You can find more details about my journey of deconversion in my dedicated story.


Fast forward six years, I reached the age of 25 and had just welcomed my first child into the world. It was during this transformative phase that the reality of financial constraints became starkly apparent, triggering bouts of anxiety and resurfacing memories of the arduous life I had experienced while growing up in poverty. Determined to provide my daughter with a better life, I acknowledged my aptitude for supervising employees, a responsibility that my job occasionally entrusted me with. Motivated by my aspirations for a brighter future, I made the decision to apply for business school, recognizing that obtaining a bachelor's degree could serve as a stepping stone toward granting my daughter the financial stability she deserved. I instinctively understood that while my educational pursuits would play a significant role, it was important to acknowledge that my daughter's well-being was also fostered by her wonderful mother and stepfather, both of whom were instrumental factors in her upbringing.


With unwavering determination, I successfully completed my bachelor's degree, becoming the first in my family to achieve such a milestone. At that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of accomplishment, believing that I had reached the pinnacle of my academic goals and did not need to pursue further education. However, approximately a year later, a surge of purely selfish ambition enveloped me, igniting a desire I hadn't experienced in quite some time. I yearned to earn a six-figure income, and thus I made the decision to enhance my prospects by pursuing a master's degree. Three years have now passed since that pivotal choice, and I find myself holding an MBA with honors, having emerged as a strong contender for the prestigious Presidential Management Fellows award.

As I reflect upon my journey, I am filled with gratitude for the lessons I've learned and the remarkable transformations I've undergone. From the initial misdiagnoses that plagued my childhood to the disappointments and disqualifications I faced, each setback ultimately propelled me forward toward unexpected opportunities and personal growth.


Through unwavering determination, a thirst for knowledge, and the unwavering support of loved ones, I have shattered the limitations that were once placed upon me. My educational achievements, from obtaining my GED to earning a bachelor's degree and then pursuing a master's degree, stand as testaments to the power of resilience and self-belief. The essence of my journey extends beyond personal triumphs; it is a testament to the indomitable human spirit. It serves as a reminder that setbacks and challenges do not define us; rather, they present us with opportunities for growth and self-discovery. We have the capacity to rise above adversity, rewrite our narratives, and redefine our destinies. So, let my story be a beacon of inspiration to those who may feel trapped by circumstances or burdened by past labels. Believe in the incredible potential within you and dare to dream audaciously. Embrace the pursuit of knowledge, for it has the power to unlock doors and reshape lives. And remember, the support and love of those who believe in you can provide the strength and encouragement needed to overcome any obstacle. May my journey serve as a testament to the extraordinary heights that can be reached when we embrace our inner strength, persevere through challenges, and hold steadfast to our dreams. No matter where life may take you, never lose sight of the boundless possibilities that lie within your grasp. In the grand tapestry of life, our stories are but threads woven together, forming a tapestry of resilience, triumph, and the unyielding human spirit. It is my hope that my story will inspire you to embrace your own journey, emboldened by the knowledge that within you lies the power to overcome, achieve, and create a future that surpasses your wildest dreams.


Throughout the course of my life, I have experienced moments that fill me with remorse, recognizing the choices and actions that I am not proud of—mistakes that I undoubtedly should not have made. However, when all is said and done, I find solace in the belief that, overall, I have lived a commendable life thus far. Watching my daughter evolve into a bright and contented individual, as she embarks on a journey of self-discovery, brings me immense joy. I can't help but notice the flame of curiosity and love for learning that she has inherited from me, burning brightly in her eyes. Witnessing her growth and development over the past eleven years fills my heart with an indescribable sense of happiness and fulfillment.


Furthermore, my stepdaughter has recently graduated from high school and is currently deliberating over potential colleges and majors, standing at the precipice of new possibilities and exciting paths. Meanwhile, my niece, Jordan, has found her stride in life, thriving alongside her significant other and excelling as a manager within a prominent retail chain. And my nephew, whom I consider more like a son, given my role as his primary caregiver and mentor throughout much of his upbringing, is finding his own path while still navigating the complexities of self-discovery. At the tender age of nineteen, he possesses a level-headedness and maturity that far surpasses my own at that stage of life. This is where I choose to conclude this entry—contemplating the legacy I have forged as a father, stepfather, and uncle. Recently, someone remarked that my nephew has become an even better man than I ever was, and that sentiment fills me with pride and contentment, as it signifies that I have succeeded in fulfilling my role as his guide and nurturer.


In this life, I have come to understand that the true essence of my legacy lies in how I have influenced and shaped the lives of those entrusted to my care. The profound impact we have on the growth and navigation of our children through this complex world is nothing short of remarkable. It is fascinating how a culmination of significant milestones and the closure of a life can provoke deep introspection, leading us to ponder the essence of our existence. I express my gratitude to you, dear reader, for joining me on this reflective journey. Rest assured, there is more to come as I continue to explore and share my experiences.

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